broken hearted part 1

its 11.03 pm, I'm home with Hot Men Who Cooks playing on tv.

I need to let out stuffs out from my chest.
and as always I turned to my loyal blog :-)

me and my boyfriend ex-boyfriend has always has
the-woman-who-can't-break-up-and-the-man-who-can't-leave kind of relationship.
sounds familiar? it's a Korean song which I took notice at when watching Running Man..
well, guess what? he did manage to take off. as much as I want to cry.. I can't. it's not because of my ego.
it's because I'm well aware of how small my problem is to people around me. and I know that I can't let myself fall apart because my support is gone. I need to get used to it. it's me against the world alone once more.

I'm pretty good at hiding my tears.
I've been sobbing for quite a while now but no one has notice.
typical. I'm used to it. well I need to now, wiping my tears away using my own hands.
I wish I haven't took my bath tonight so I can cry my heart out in the shower. I'm realistic, if I cry in the rain, people will give me the weird stare. don't you think so?

me and him..
we always have been opposite.
Fatin said that's what makes us perfect together.
was it hard? it was.. I know it and he knows it too.

on our early stage of relationship.
frankly speaking, I wasn't over my previous relationship.
but he never gave up. so I gave it a shot and he did found ways to my heart.
we fought a lot though. A LOT..  as much I see this coming I was hoping it won't happen.

I never knew if he knows this.
if you guys are aware of the labels of my blog post.
you'll see "my superman" it's what I refer him as because of this picture

lol! why? because in my previous relationship.
my past referred himself as a batman. and referring habib as a superman
is my declaration of him as greater and superior than my past because he felt a bit threatened by my past.

in a few days, it should be our 18thmonthsarry.
I guess that's not going to be happen. and so does having iftar together.
Raya? I'm not sure if he'll come to visit this year. It's his 4th year consecutively visiting if he does.

I know he's not a photogenic person.
he prefer to take them than be in them.
but I thought of taking pictures like one above with him..
I didn't even have a chance to suggest it to him.. well, it doesn't matter anymore.

I want to say thank you for being there for me even from way back then.
for as long as we together, I haven't even greet your mom not once properly.
say my regret to her.. good luck to you and your future. if we are meant to be together I guess we'll found our way back together. take a good care of yourself especially with the new wound in your foot.
I've been using your name for my mail password, facebook password, tumblr password, fashiolista password and a lot of other things. I guess I need to change all that. it's like being divorced and need to change your family name.
its midnight once again and I'm lonely tonight. I should hit the sack. I'm sad and tired. I need to drink a lot of water for sahur to make up for the tears I shed. sorry body for making you dehydrated.
I'll miss you.. and I'm certain of that. and I'm certain that I'll cry some more in my sleep. I'm such a crybaby.


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