broken hearted part 2

assalamualaikum
as everyone knows I'm single once again.
which means I'm going to have MORE unnecessary time to be wasted.
and brings to a lot of blog entries going to be posted in a short duration of time.

I had my sahur with McDonalds Spicy Fried Chicken
which I asked my mum to buy them last night because I'm too sad to tag along.
while I was eating and thinking of making this post, my eyes are like a leaking pipe.
the chicken wasn't that spicy at all to and extend capable of making me cry, but I did.

why?
because I come to conclusion I might end up alone till they day I'm fated to meet Allah in the other world.
it seems like every single men who was in relationship with me, left. after gaining my love and I gave them my heart, they left. as much as I see this coming. I'm hoping they won't.
Batman who I never show my tears not once left not knowing the real me.
Superman who've been friends with me first and thinking he knows me well left because things get harder.
so as much as being in a relationship sounds tempted. I might just stop involving myself into one. I need to slap myself in the face and realise in the end, no one is actually going to stay with me. I'm very difficult to be with, what I concluded from Superman.

if you're wondering how am I doing.
I'm broken and couldn't even care less to heal my heart.
who am I to fool myself? it took me months to heal from an open relationship.
to heal from a relationship I've been serious about to an extend I can picture my wedding will probably took me years. so I'm not fine and I don't trust boys much any more.


I'm forever alone.
no one's going to marry me.
I'm going to grow old, live in my parents house and instead of raising my own kids, I will raise my sister's and brother's kids.


my eyes looked like they were stung by bees.
SWOLEN. they're making me more sepet than I already are.
ranting here in my blog makes me feel better since I don't have a shoulder to lean on anymore.
I only have my wet pillow and blanket to wipe my tears. and I think I need to wash my blanket because I even used it to wipe my nose. I'm not looking forward for tomorrow. I'm not hoping for anything or looking forward for anything anymore. now its just ordinary days that go by. if you guys are trying to contact me, pardon me if I responded late. since its going to be just my mum calling or text, I don't really bring my phone here and there any more. this awfully lot of crying is giving me headache. I should signing off. assalamualaikum..

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